I cry in the stillness in the night
Alone with no one in sight
I just can’t help how I feel deep down inside
God please give me the strength to survive this fight
It’s so hard for me to close my eyes
All I can see is images of you in my mind
I pray and pray to have the courage to go
To spread my wings and learn to let go
I can’t stop the tears that stream down my face
I want this pain to be gone and just escape
I’ve always dreamed of love from above
But I never knew it would do more than take my love
It’s tearing my heart and soul in two
The only thing that’s on my mind is only you
Please help set this pain free
I begging and pleading down on my knees
I can’t stop the crying and the tears on my face
I just wish to be happy
I just hope to be loved
I just can pray that my prayers will be answered from above
Please don’t leave me here with tears in my eyes
Please tell me that everything you told me was just stupid lies
I pray for you to give us the strength
to make it through these times of heartache
Mend our hearts back together giving us more strength than ever
I’m praying that this is just a test from above
Give me the strength and patience for this love
November 6, 2011
I gave you my heart
I gave you my soul
I gave you a chance
Even with everything I’ve known
You told me you loved
You told me you cared
You told me you’ll never leave me
Even though everything seems too much to bare
I really do love you
I mean it from my heart
I love you for always
Even if we’re far apart
I can’t stop this crying
I can’t stop this pain
I can’t stop this feeling
It’s making me go insane
I hope that one day you can find it in your heart
You’ll see how much I loved you from the very start
I love you for always, I love you so true
I just wish that everything can go back how its used to
October 31, 2011
Today, I was sitting in the kitchen of the school I work at, and one of the staff members asked another staff member how she met her soon to be ex-husband. I just sat there and listened to her tell the story. She said that when she meet her husband on an airplane traveling to another country. They sat next to each other and started talking, they fell in love with each other, but the problem was they both were in different states. They both talked to each other every day and traveled several times a year to meet with each other. After two years of long distance relationship, they eventually got married. I thought, “Awwww, that’s so romantic. It’s like a fairy-tale story with no happy ending.” I than thought about past relationships and how every sad love story always started with a happy beginning.
I soon than realized how much other people just look at the bad experiences of their relationship rather than the good of it. While looking at the bad, they become distance with their relationship, and after they go their separate ways. We look so hard at other people’s flaws that we don’t sit and think about how life can be good if we look at the positive side of it. I know every relationship isn’t always going to be healthy, but it would be best to stop picking on every single thing we see wrong in a person.
I for one learned that the hard way. I distant myself and thought of all the bad things in my relationship and rarely looked at the good. They would ask me why I was in it; and my reason was because I loved him… I do love him, I do care. It’s just so hard for me to think about what will happen if he left me when I put all my heart and soul into it. I would be the one with my heart broken and crying, while he’s out there living life like nothing just happened…
The first time I met my boyfriend was like a fairy-tale. We had an instant connection that was surreal; nothing I’ve ever felt before. It might of been love at first sight. It might of been infatuation. It might of been destiny. But whatever it is, or was, it just made my heart flutter and it made my smile shine so much brighter. I first noticed his eyes, and his attentiveness. I knew he was staring at me and watching my every move. Everything in the beginning was pure bliss, like a fairy-tale love story… But, lately it hasn’t been that way. Along the way, someone stopped trying. That’s when the arguments started, phone call ignoring, want time alone saying, and everything else in-between that… Everything started to fall apart, eventually the feelings and the connections that once was there disappeared into almost nothing…
One day, we were arguing and he told me that if all this kept up he was going to leave. Hearing those words really broke my heart and it really sank in that we needed to talk this out and start compromising… I began to feel his feelings changing and I soon realize that everything that once was there lay dormant in his heart. My fairy-tale story was really going to end… I sat there that night crying and thinking of what I should do, so I wrote a letter to him while he was sleeping. I cried through out the letter pouring out what I felt at that very moment. I explained to him that we can make this work if we give it another try. I knew in my heart that if we gave it another try it could either make the relationship or break the relationship. But at least we can say we gave it another shot and tried…
My coworker’s fairy-tale story ended in a very sad way, but I know that every sad love story always started with a happy beginning. They just forgot about how the beginning was. I just hope that my fairy-tale doesn’t end up being that way…
October 20, 2011
Today, I had a child approach me during morning recess. She held out her hand, opened it, and said, “Ms. Rozen, look what I have in my hand. These are magic seeds!”
I looked and saw some monkey pod seeds. ”Why do you call them ‘magic seeds’,” I asked.
“Because, one day this little seed will become a huge tree,” she replied pointing at one of the huge trees on the playground.
I was awed by the fact that we as adults take everything we see for granted. We once saw everything around us as a magical thing. I couldn’t believe that such a small child has made me think about how magical it is to see dreams as seeds and our successes as big trees.
“These seeds cannot get bigger then me,” said a boy who was listening to our conversation.
“But it will,” said the girl.
“Ms. Rozen, the seed cannot get bigger then me,” said the boy.
“Oh one day it will, but it takes a very, very long time for it to become a huge tree like the ones we have on our playground,” I said looking at the little boy.
“Ooohh! But I still don’t think it can!” he said crossing his arms.
“It will!” said the girl.
As he walks away it made me realize that our big successes were once tiny seeds that took years of hard work for it to become what it is today. We just have to believe that our dreams will become bigger than reality. The impossible is possible…